I haven't posted for a long time and so it is sad that I have to tell of a tragedy on the first post back.
I woke up this morning to find one of our dogs had strangled himself in his kennel during the night. "Buddy" was a Bichon/Shitzu cross and we had had him since he was born.
We lost his brother a few years ago when he got run over. We also lost his step-brother Spitfire who was a cat (he thought he was a dog) that Maggie (Buddy's mother) had raised as one of her own. We think that the coyotes probably got him as he just disappeared.
Amimals dying is just a part of life in the country but what makes this so hard to take is that he was in his kennel in the house. Supposedly safe and secure.
Buddy had trouble sleeping. Or maybe he just slept enough during the day that he didn't want to sleep all night. In any case he would wake up and start barking and wake up the other dogs who, sometimes, would also start barking. Of course that would wake up everyone else......
Buddy also had a funny sounding, high pitched, yipping kind of bark. He would sound so desperate and we got up many times to see what was the matter. But it was always because he was bored. He also became an escape artist. He chewed his way through 3 plastic kennels so we had to get him a steel kennel. We thought it was escape-proof. This morning he pushed at one of the top corners and somehow got it unhooked and pushed his head through. He couldn't get the rest of his body through and he couldn't pull his head back. The harder he pulled back, the tighter it pinched his neck. He raised quite a commotion but since we were so used to him yipping and barking for no reason in the night, I just yelled at him to shut up and go to sleep.
Joni got up first because she had to start baking for the farmers market tomorrow. She came back into the bedroom and told me Buddy had strangled himself and was dead. I rushed out and found him hanging there. The wires in the kennel were bent and twisted where he had desperately clawed at them to escape. We were both overwhelmed with guilt for ignoring his cries for help but he didn't sound any different than he did the hundreds of times before.
I think of the story of the boy who cried wolf so many times that when there really was a wolf nobody paid any attention to him. I also think about his rebellious nature. He hated being caged. It was for his own good but how do you explain that to a dog? He pushed the limits all the time. He would rather dig through the garbage and spread it all over the floor or rip open the bag of dogfood than to eat the food we set out for him. When we let the dogs come inside they know they are supposed to go straight to their kennels. Buddy however, always tried to see how much of the house he could get to before we forced him into his "bed".
He was very prideful and it was very hard on him when Ryan brought "Goose" home, who was a much larger dog. Buddy was deposed as "king of the yard" and it was a huge blow to his ego. His resentment of that caused him to become even more rebellious to any authority figures. He was my dog and everybody knew it including him. He was my buddy. I think I identified with him because of his rebellious attitude. I saw a lot of my own nature in him. I think of how much easier his life might have been if he had been more agreeable to authority and I think about myself and wonder if I am causing myself unnecessary problems. And I wonder if my attitude, like Buddy's, will eventually cause my death too.
God must look at me much like I look at Buddy, admiring the strength of will but seeing how it causes me problems and wanting more for me. I don't want to be submissive to the world but I do want, very much, to be submissive to God. I am much like Buddy, who didn't like to listen to authority and challenged almost every command he was given, but he would obey me. (As least he obeyed me more than anyone else). I think that I do obey God but I know that I could obey better and faster than I do. I'm not sure if it's rebellion or just thick-headedness that holds me back but I know that I can improve. Maybe the point to this is to learn that, unlike Buddy, I still have time to change my ways and become more pliable for God. Life isn't forever (at least not on this earth) so we need to cram as much living into this life as possible. We don't have the time to waste dragging our feet and being rebellious.
Good bye my little Buddy. Please forgive me for ignoring your cries for help. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. God help me to forgive myself. I love you and I won't forget you.
Rest in Peace